I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
