Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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