So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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