I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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