Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
