At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
