I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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