She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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