I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
