Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it's like heaven, but drunker
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
