so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize