You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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