NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
