He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Mom said you looked used
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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