you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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