just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
