if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize