and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
