I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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