We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
