Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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