I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
