I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
