If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
