I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
