Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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