I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
