its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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