she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
