so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
