I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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