i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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