I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
