If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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