No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
