I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
