We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
