He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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