David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize