my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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