i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
