so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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