i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
