Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
