You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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