I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
