I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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