Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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