6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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