cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
