I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
