She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
