Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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