It's Friday. Sex?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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