This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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