I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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