i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
