she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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