You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
